


Me & My Shadow: Shikaku's Life Lessons

by NarutoRox



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Family, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Letters, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mild Language, Past exploits, Some good advice and lots of bad advice, Storytelling, Young Ino-Shika-Cho, Young Shikaku, Young Shikamaru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2014-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-11 23:27:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2087115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NarutoRox/pseuds/NarutoRox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shortly after the events of The Great War, Shikamaru finds a scrapbook from Shikaku filled with advice to his son (or at least what he sees as advice). "I'm going to fill this book up with a some wisdom of mine, or at least some words I think would be helpful to pass on. That way, even when I'm not there, you'll still have something to turn to for advice."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shikaku on....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on my FFN account, the idea for this was prompted by a review left by the wonderful 'WatchingAsYouFall' on one of my other fanfics. Little to no editing has been done between the original publication and now.
> 
> Though the prologue takes place sometime after the war, the individual chapters take place throughout Shikaku's and Shikamaru's lives. Also, though I'm pretty sure the box in his closet Shikaku mentioned in Naruto Chapter 616 was played for laughs, I decided to take a different approach for it in this story - which you'll see after reading this chapter.

~Prologue~

 

Shikamaru picked up the wooden box his from his father. 

 

Shikaku had kept it away from Yoshino, which made Shikamaru idly wonder if it maybe contained some pictures or magazines he hadn't wanted to her to see. That sounded like something his father would do. Then again, he wouldn't put is past his dad for the images to be of Yoshino, for that matter. He hoped not. 

 

When Shikamaru opened the box, though, he found a book with his name on it. Three pictures fell out when he picked the book up and opened it. 

 

He scooped them up with a sense of foreboding, and was both relieved and a little surprised by what was on them. 

 

One was his ninja academy picture, taken on his first day. Shikamaru couldn't help but grin when he saw it. His posture was stiff yet still lax, his eyes a little wide...he remembered he'd been scared out of his mind at the time, but had been too tough to admit it. It was funny, thinking about it now, how something so trivial as his first day of school had scared him.

 

The second photo was of him as well, this one taken on the day he had graduated the academy. He looked lazy and bored in this one, hands in his pockets, though he was standing at an angle (probably at whoever was taking the picture's request) so the camara could see the shiny new Hidden-Leaf headband fastened to his arm. Shikamaru unconsciously touched his, no longer shiny, but scuffed and a little worn.

 

It took him a minute to recognize the last photo, though after looking at the other two, he knew it must have been him. He was a baby, probably not more than a few weeks old. He was asleep, his thumb in his mouth, and after staring at it a minute Shikamaru realized what he thought had been a blanket he was sleeping on was actually his father's fuzzy old vest.

 

Shikamaru gazed at the pictures for another minute or two, then turned his attention back to the book. It was a handwritten journal, and when he flipped it open to the first page, he was again surprised at what he saw.

 

It was addressed to him, in his father's lazy handwriting.

 

He had no idea what this was, but clearly it had been ment for him.

 

So he leaned back in his seat, and read.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Shikamaru,

 

Today, you graduated the academy.

 

You're a full-fledged ninja now, though by the time you read this, it'll be old news.

 

Congratulations anyway.

 

Your grades were terrible, but I have a strong suspicion that has more to do with you taking after your old man and being too lazy to actually answer any of the questions on your test.

 

Ahh, anyway, as I watched you take off today, it struck me that it seemed like you had just enrolled into the academy.

 

Guess you're growing up fast.

 

I'm not getting sentimental, now, I'm just thinking that must mean I'm getting old. Well, older.

But I began to think that soon you would be going out on missions.

 

Nothing dangerous at first, of course. You'll probably pick up some old lady's garbage, or rescue someone's dog, but eventually, probably sooner than I think, you'll leave the village on some hazardous mission.

 

And I won't be there to keep an eye on you.

 

I won't be there to give you a pointer on how to move your shadow better, so the enemy won't be able to see it easily.

 

I won't be there to tell you your left side is wide open to an attack, remind you to keep the wind in mind when you throw a kunai, or to tell you to zip up your fly before someone else sees it and you look like a fool.

 

Well, you get the point.

 

I'm not trying to baby you. You of all people know I've never actually done much of that.

 

But it does worry me a little. You see, it got me thinking...there's not much I can do for you anymore, is there, son?

 

Except maybe give you a little advice here and there.

 

So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to fill this book up with a some wisdom of mine, or at least some words I think would be helpful to pass on.

 

Some of it might seem trivial, or maybe just strange, but trust me, if there's one thing you learn as you get older, it's that you wish life came with a helpful guide.

 

I'll give this to you when you turn twenty. (So I guess, Happy Birthday, too, eh?)

 

That way, even when I'm not there, you'll still have something to turn to for advice.

 

Your Father

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is actually complete, and at the moment I'm planning on either weekly or twice-weekly updates, depending on how busy I end up being and whether or not it gets a good response on this site (I have a hard time saying no to people who demand updates, LOL). ;) 
> 
> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed. ^_^


	2. Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel as though I should put some kind of disclaimer on here, stating that I'm writing Shikaku's advice for entertainment and not for people to actually use in real life. But everyone already knew that, right?

 

~Shikaku on friendship~ 

Dear Shikamaru, 

When it comes to friends...let's face it. You can't always pick them. 

 

Sure, what everyone says seems to contradict this, but trust me.

 

There's always going to be that one guy you really don't know why you're friends with.

 

You know, the obnoxious one you don't even remember how you were introduced to.

 

The childhood friend that never seemed to grow up.

 

The guy that only ever shows up if you're buying.

 

The one that you just _know_ is going to start an argument with another friend that you're going to have to mediate.

 

In our case, a slightly mouthy Yamanaka and an all-too sensitive Akamichi. Yes, those are traits Ino and Choji share with their fathers. I'd like to tell you they'll grow out of it, but I promised I wouldn't lie to you in here.

 

Just accept that the three of you will be bugging the crap out of each other for the rest of your natural lives, and you'll be fine.

 

Right. Back on topic. Friends.

 

Well, you see son...friendship takes...a lot of give and take.

 

Like me, Inochi, and Choza. Choza takes our food, and we give it to him. Hmmm, hold on, that was a bad example. Okay okay, Choza and I give Inochi horrible advice on how to handle a daughter, and he takes it anyway-wait, that's not right either...

 

Oh, forget it, the three of us are a terrible example to use.

 

My point is, your friendship with anybody can't be all about you. It has to be about your friend, too.

 

You'll have to put some things aside, and when they need you (or even if they don't), be there for them.

 

And if you're lucky enough to have a true friend, then maybe someday, when you need them, they'll be there for you.

 

Why, look at me and Inochi...when your mother went into labor, and we went to the hospital, Inochi stayed with me the whole time. In return, I was able to give him moral support when Ino was born. And no, it had absolutely nothing to with the fact that I never had to leave the hospital.

 

You have to accept each other for who you are, as well. You can't go trying to change your friends, even for what you may think is for the 'better', and you shouldn't let them try to change you, either.

 

Again, look at Inochi, Choza and I. I'm a lazy bum who can never be bothered to do anything, Choza is roughly the size of both Inochi and I, and Inochi has that really stupid hair, and yet none of us has ever tried to change that about each other.

 

That being said, a good friend _will_ change you for the better. Not intentionally, you might not even realize it at first, but a true friendship will always make you a better man, son.

 

You'll want to strive to be that better person...if not for yourself, then for your friends.

 

Never bad-mouth or speak ill of a friend, even if they aren't there. You wouldn't want them doing the same to you. (And my comments on Inochi's hair don't count, because we have been teasing each other about our hair for years. There is a difference between bad-mouthing and good-natured teasing with an old best friend.)

 

A true friend is someone you would do anything for, without expecting anything in return.

 

One good, true friend is always worth more than a dozen fake friends.

 

I don't know if you've ever heard of this, but there's a saying I've always been fond of:

 

A friend will come bail you out of jail, but your best friend will be sitting there beside you saying "Damn, we screwed up. But that sure was fun!"

 

Which is true, though you should always keep in mind that, when there is three of you, at least _one_ of you should try to not get caught, that way you have someone to come post bail. Also, try to make sure you get caught with the Akamichi. Yamanakas make better character witnesses in court.

 

Don't judge, you'll do something stupid when you're seventeen, too. Okay, and when you're twenty. And twenty-one.

 

This is supposed to be for advice, remember? Maybe now you'll think twice before doing something really stupid that will probably involve sake. Or impressing a girl. But never mind that, that's a topic for another occasion.

 

This may seem like a stupid thing to bring up, considering your age now, but you should always try to share with your friends.

 

Never let a girl (or a guy) come between you and a friend.

 

Always stick up for your friends.

 

Never forget a real friend, and always remember who your real friends are.

 

Sometimes, you won't realize the impact a friend made until years later. Sometimes when it's too late to matter.

 

Even as a ninja, son...it's okay to cry for the loss of a friend. There is always a time and place for that.

 

And don't worry about not always being able to pick your friends. Sometimes it's just destiny.

 

You just won't realize it until later.

 

Your Father

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What I was done writing this, a scene from the manga came to mind, when Shikamaru is talking to his father about Naruto. He (Shikamaru) says that there's something about Naruto that makes even him want to get up and walk beside him. That made me think about Shikaku's line that a friend will change you for the better, sometimes without realizing it. 
> 
> *And a note on this entry...Shikamaru and Ino's birthdays are one day apart (the 22nd and 23rd of September), so it would stand to reason that their mothers would have been in the hospital at the same time. Meaning that Shikaku would probably have already been at the hospital when Ino was born anyway, so the whole 'moral support' thing may or may not have been him simply being there at the right time. You're notice he doesn't mention when Choji was born! ;)


	3. Regret & Doubt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entry takes place right after the 'Sound Invasion' arc (after Shikamaru has been promoted).

~Shikaku on Regret & Doubt~

Dear Shikamaru,

 

You were promoted to chunin recently. Congratulations again.

 

I haven't really been keeping up with this very well, huh? I started it when you were promoted to genin, and now here you are a chunin and I've only written two entries...you really _are_ growing up fast.

 

But really, good job son. I'm proud of you.

 

You've given me something else I can lord over Choza and Inochi. _Their_ kids didn't even make it to the final stage of the test. Plus your little stunt at the end of your match won me and Choza free drinks, I _told_ Inochi you were going to forfeit, heh heh.

 

But anyway, what with all that has been going on lately, I thought this would be a good time to bring this up: Regret.

 

As you get older, you'll find regrets will still somehow sneak up on you, no matter how you live your life.

 

It may be a few simple, small things; 'I wish I had gone to that place when I still had the chance', 'I shouldn't have done that instead of that', 'If I had paid attention when he had told me the first time I wouldn't have made such a fool of myself!', and so on and so forth.

 

But then there are the other things, the more important things, the ones that could have altered your life in some way. 'If only _I_ had gone on that mission instead, he wouldn't have died', 'If I had just been faster, or done something differently, nobody would have gotten hurt', 'If I hadn't said that, we'd still be friends', 'If I had told her how I felt, we might still be together right now'...these are the ones that will eat you up inside if you dwell on them, son.

 

Which is why you _can't_ dwell on them.

 

Everybody has regrets, be they big or small, and they're lying if they tell you otherwise.

 

This is all especially true of us shinobi.

 

We, who must make split-second decisions on the battlefield. Who in an instant can end or save one's life, and who can't always foresee the consequences of those actions. Perhaps we're assigned to keep a foreign daimyo safe, and then said daimyo improves relations between our countries. Or perhaps we're commissioned to assassinate someone, who's comrades later declare a war in response.

 

But regardless of the outcome, we can't let our regrets dictate or ruin our lives. We must pick ourselves up and move on.

 

When you do make a regrettable mistake, you can learn from it without dwelling on it.

 

If I'm going to be honest with you, most of my regrets involve alcohol, Inochi and Choza.

 

Then there was this time that had all of that, plus an ill thought-out dare involving-ah, I don't think I'd better put that in writing. The ANBU never figured out it was us, and I'd rather not leave any evidence.

 

This is going to sound stupid, especially now that I'm writing this to you, but I often regret how much time I spent with you as a child. I wish I could have done more, now. Maybe have been a little more patient, tought you a little more, just...simply done more.

 

Yet I can't dwell on any of this.

 

Instead, I simply acknowledge that, yes, I wish I could have done more for you as a kid, but I know now that I can't, I'm going to do what I can for now.

 

Then there is regret's more immediate cousin, Doubt.

 

Self-doubt can eat you up almost as bad as regret can. Which is why you can't let it.

 

Never doubt your instincts. As a ninja, I can't stress this enough. Doubting yourself will inevitably lead to failure, no matter what you're doing.

 

But...it is okay to have some doubts, son. Everyone does.

 

For instance, I highly doubt you're going to make it to adulthood without doing something stupid to embarrass yourself in public. (Sorry, your 'grand' entrance onto the chunin exam field is still fresh in my mind)

 

My point being: It's okay to have some doubts about yourself...but the important thing is to believe in yourself more than you doubt yourself.

 

Do you remember my little talk about friends? If you are ever doubting yourself or your abilities, let them help you.

 

I know a certain little Akamichi who's never held more doubt than belief in you.

 

And if that still doesn't help, and you still find you're doubting yourself...well.

 

Don't worry.

 

Your mother and I will still believe in you, and will never have any doubts _or_ regrets when it comes to you.

 

(Except about the embarrassment thing. And you know, I still regret not spending as much time with you, and I'm sure Yoshino regrets dropping you...just kidding just kidding. And well your mother and I may have a little trouble believing in you if you decide to become a serial killer or a pimp or something, but don't worry our love is still unconditional, I'm sure)

 

(And about the above message...you're never going to get too old for me to stop messing with you.)

 

Your Father


	4. Women

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel as though I should add a disclaimer on this chapter: Gentlemen, do not, I repeat, DO NOT take much of Shikaku's advice this chapter to heart. In reality, him giving advice to Shikamaru on women is the equivalent of the blind leading the blind through four lanes of rush hour traffic when the traffic light is broken. Ladies, try not to be too offended by Shikaku's ignorance. He knows not of what he speaks, and after writing this I feel infinitely sorry for Yoshino...

~Shikaku on women~

Dear Shikamaru,

 

Oh boy, time for the most troublesome topic of all: Women.

 

Where do I start?

 

Women are very complicated. Relationships with women are even _more_ complicated.

 

One minute you're cozy and happy, laying your head in her lap while she hums. The next minute you're out on your ass, sleeping on the couch because you weren't paying attention to the conversation and said something insensitive.

 

And that's just after you're married.

 

Actually there's an entire list of things you should never say or do to your wife or girlfriend, but if I wrote the one from my personal experience down, I'd need another book. (However, I have compiled a list of a few of the deadly phrases used by the women in my life over the years, which will be included at the end of this entry. Memorize them. Well.)

 

Right. Anyway. Women.

 

I've said this to you before, son, but without women, men would fall to ruin.

 

Yeah, I didn't believe my father when he first told me that, either, but you'll come around.

 

With any luck, you've figured it out on your own by now anyway.

 

But anyway, once you have come around and figured it out, you have a whole new set of problems.

 

For instance, before dealing with the troubles of a relationship, you must first get into one.

 

There's really no one way to go about it, I'm afraid.

 

Sometimes, it just kind of happens.

 

In fact, if you're lucky, you'll end up meeting/befriending some girl and will be engaged and planning a future together before you even realize you're a couple.

 

Before you roll your eyes, this actually happened to Choza. I'm under the impression he didn't realize he had a girlfriend until a year into he and Choji's mother's relationship. By then the two were crazy about each other, but still. It's easy to do with a girl you're already really familiar with.

 

Other times, you've got to do a little (or a lot) of work for it to happen. In this scenario, you're more than likely going to make more than a few mistakes, as well.

 

A good example is me and your mother.

 

I don't know if I've ever told you this, but when your mother and I first met, I actually turned her down.

 

She was a chunin who often did archive work with Inochi, so when Choza and I would go see him, she would be there. I thought she was pretty, and whenever we talked we ended up flirting with each other, so under the guise of seeing Inochi and 'discussing our next mission together', I would go down to the archives with Choza just to have an excuse to talk to her (I never admitted this to even myself at the time, being young and stupid and in denial).

 

However, being too lazy, too cowardly, too young and too stupid, I never made the first move, and when she eventually asked me out herself I made some stupid half-assed excuse and said no.

 

Needless to say, I definitely regretted that stupid decision.

 

After sleeping on it and a lot of self berating (plus some chastising and advice from Choza, who was far more aware of the whole situation than I was), I eventually caved and decided I was going to go see her and try again.

 

You can imagine my horror when I found out she was going out with Inochi then, instead.

 

Yes, your mother used to go out with Ino's father. Don't worry, we find it funny, now. (Though I doubt you will.)

 

But back to the story. When I found out, I sulked and made a general ass of myself, taking a lot of my frustrations out on a bewildered Inochi (who I found out had been trying to catch Yoshino's eye for weeks; ironically she'd been ignoring him because of me). I now feel very sorry for Choza, who knew exactly what was wrong but couldn't tell either one of us for fear of making everything worse.

 

I have several regrets on the whole incident, from how I reacted to your mother to how I treated my friends; However, it would do me no good to dwell on it now.

 

But to make a long story short, I spent six agonizing weeks furious with the world (but mostly myself), until the two ended up apart. Inochi didn't elaborate at the time, other than saying they were a poor match, but I found out a few years and several drinks later that he broke it off when he figured out why Yoshino had agreed to go out with him to begin with (apparently, to make me jealous).

 

It says something about the man that he wasn't even angry with me when I ended up going out with her a few weeks later. Though that might have had more to do with the pretty brunette that had started working the archives with him instead of Yoshino.

 

(Yes, it's who you're thinking of. And no, they didn't hit it off right away, either.)

 

Anyway, all of this was actually the easy part.

 

The hard part, of course, came after we got together. You see, this is where those relationship troubles I mentioned before come in.

 

I'm sure you've heard this before, but communication is the key to any good relationship.

 

Unfortunately, this is part of the problem.

 

It's...hard to explain, though the easiest way to say it is that men and women are on completely different wavelengths.

 

Things tend to get...lost in translation?

 

Take my example from before, when I got the couch because I allegedly said something insensitive.

 

Obviously I didn't _intend_ to say anything to upset her. I didn't even realize it sounded like that at the time, it just kind of came out that way. Perhaps if I'd said the same thing in a different tone, it would have come across as less...assinine. (For once I realized what the conversation had been about, it occurred to me what I said definitely could have been classified as such.)

 

Then again, I'm also quite sure if I'd been having the same conversation with Choza and said the same thing in the same tone, he wouldn't have thought anything of it. That being said, we can have entire 'conversations' consisting of monosyllables, facial expressions, and profanity, and I can't remember a time when I ever actually managed to insult the guy, so he might not be the best example.

 

My point is, there some things you can say to your old buddy that won't mean a thing to him, but will definitely mean something to your wife. (Don't believe me? Walk up to Choji and tell him he looks lovely today. Or better yet, call your wife/girlfriend something I've heard you and Choji jokingly say to each other before, and see what happens.)

 

Like I said, some things just don't translate.

 

However, some things just don't need translating.

 

Some things don't even need words.

 

Like when I come home troubled or upset about something. I may not say a word about it or show outward signs, and yet...your mother knows. Inochi, Choza, even you may be unable to tell, yet without exchanging words, Yoshino knows. Call it woman's intuition, or whatever you want, but on some level she knows me better than anyone, sometimes even myself, does.

 

Sure, you may see me as a whipped dog. And yes, Yoshino may ride my ass sometimes. But when she understands me like that without words, and I see her give me the smile she reserves just for me, I can't help but feel it's all worth it, misunderstandings and all.

 

I don't know how else to say it, other than to say without your mother, I would surely fall to ruin.

 

Now I'm sure by now I've bored you, and you're rolling your eyes and muttering to yourself that this _still_ doesn't help you understand woman.

 

Hell. In my almost forty years of life, I _still_ can't quite figure them out.

 

Son, I don't think we ever really do, and I'm almost positive I never will.

 

But in the end, through all the troubles and misunderstandings, it's still worth it. Maybe someday, you'll find yourself a nice girl and figure it out in your own way.

 

If you do, I hope you let me know.

 

After all, I could always use some advice.

 

Your Father

 

P.S. Here's the list I mentioned above, with a few of the deadly phrases used by the women in my life over the years, along with their true meanings:

 

1) "Fine." - This is the word women use to end an argument when she knows she is right and you need to shut up.

 

2) "Nothing." - Means something and you need to be worried.

 

3) "Go ahead." - This is a dare, not permission. Do not do it.

 

4) "Whatever." - A woman's way of saying 'screw you'.

 

5) "That's okay." - She is thinking long and hard on how and when you will pay for your mistake.

 

And the most often misunderstood:

 

6) "Wow!" - This is not a compliment. She's amazed that one person could be so stupid.

 

There's a trick to listening to the tone of these phrases, which is the surest way to translate them into their true meanings. These are especially deadly, of course, when used in conjunction with an argument.

 

P.P.S. And for the love of all that is holy, don't, do not, let your mother see this entry. Burn it once you've read it if you must. You'll save us both if you do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shikaku's list of phrases is roughly based on a sign a neighbor of my grandparents used to have in their yard, as well as something they used to say. It used to crack up my brother and sister when we passed it, and I couldn't help but think of it when I was writing this.


	5. A Little White Lie (Sorry, Son)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea for this chapter was originally supposed to be for a Halloween-themed one-shot, but I ended up incorporating it with a prompt I received in a wonderful review by bellatoz.guardian on an early chapter of this over on FFN, which was a request for an explanation on how Shikaku got his scars. Not entirely sure it was what s/he was looking for, and it's ginormous in comparison to the rest of the chapters (It's as long as the previous four combined!) but I had a lot of fun with it, so I hope you do, too. ^_^

 

~Shikaku on a little white lie (and how he got his scars)~

Dear Shikamaru,

I don't know if you remember this or not, but you were a pretty curious kid.

Not talkative like Ino, mind you, just curious. There was a time - when you were about two or so - when every time you _did_ talk, it was to ask a question.

"Why is the sky blue only sometimes?" ('It has moods like everyone else' seemed to satisfy you)

"Why do deer eat grass?" (I'm sorry for telling you it tasted good)

"Why does three come after two?" (You were in your philosophical stage)

"Where do babies come from?" (I'm sure you can't fault me on my less-than-honest answer on that one)

And so on and so forth. If there was something in you day that intrigued or befuddled you, you filed it away in that head of yours and asked me the second you got the chance. Sometimes you would even ask me and your mother separately, just to test our answers.

For the most part, I answered truthfully and kept it simple.

There was one time, however, that I told you a point-blank, highly embellished lie.

I'd like to say I had a good reason for doing it, but I didn't - though if I had to give a reason it would probably be arrogance.

It was right after you'd gotten around to asking why your uncle Shikayami and I had 'prickles' on our faces when Yoshino didn't. I was in the middle of my answer when you stared intently at me, touched the side of my face, and asked what the marks were.

I told you they were scars, and then explained what a scar was.

I was going to leave it at that. I really, really was.

But then you asked, of course, where they came from. And I answered, as you probably remember, with an ominous tale of a mission gone wrong.

The tale of how I underestimated the enemy, got out-numbered, and barely missed getting my head taken off my an enemy blade.

The tale you would ask to hear two more times over the next four years.

Son, I'm really sorry.

I lied.

Not about that mission, that really did happen (albeit a lot less harrowing than I told it), but about how I got the scars.

The truth is, I got those when I was a teenager, about your age I suppose, and it had absolutely nothing to do with missions.

There _is_ a story behind them, though, and I think it's about time I told it to you.

It's a long one, so bear with me.

It all started one particularly slow afternoon outside the missions office, when Choza, Inochi, and I came across a small group of ninja gathered around Tsume Inuzuka and Hiashi and Hizashi Hyuga, who were in the midst of a heated argument.

Well, heated on Tsume's part, anyway. Hiashi just stood there with his arms crossed and that haughty look on his face that made people want to hit him. His brother was standing beside him, giving Tsume what I can only describe as a dignified version of a 'bitch, please' look.

In any case, it was causing a bit of a stir that the great Lord Hiashi Hyuga, who was three years my senior and five years Tsume's, was bothering to acknowledge the screaming Inuzuka at all. That in itself was enough to make us stop and gawk a little.

Well, that and the fact that they were blocking the main road. It seemed too troublesome to go around.

I figured it would be over in a minute anyway; Tsume looked about ready to come to blows, and it would be _unseemly_ for the Hyuga heir to get in a street fight with a thirteen-year-old girl.

"What are they going on about?" I sighed aloud as Inochi elbowed a few people aside. I think he wanted a better view in case Hiashi got bitch-slapped.

I hadn't expected an answer, but then again I hadn't noticed Shibi Aburame standing behind me, either. He had a way of sneaking up on people.

"Tsume got caught sneaking into one of the Hyuga training grounds." Shibi muttered beside us, making both Choza and I jump.

"Is that all?" Choza asked. He was on better terms with Shibi than I.

Shibi shrugged. "That's what they're saying."

I remember feeling irked they were making such a fuss over something so stupid. "How troublesome. That's not worth shouting over. Did she way why she did it?"

"She said she was ghost-hunting." Shibi replied.

"Pardon?" I was sure I had misheard.

"One of the younger Hyugas told her those grounds were haunted, and that she'd see the ghost if she waited around the grounds after midnight. Instead, she caught Hizashi sneaking off with his girlfriend."

As if sensing approaching scandal, Inochi shoved his way back over to us.

"You're joking." he said, grinning. Shibi shook his head.

"No, that's why Hiashi-san is so worked up. He says Tsume was just trespassing and trying to spy on him and Hizashi. Tsume-"

"HOW DARE YOU!" Tsume shrieked. I'm guessing she tried to take that swing at Hiashi, because some poor, brave schmo was holding her back. "I'm not a-a-a-!"

"Nosy, infantile shrew?" Hiashi supplied coldly. "If you weren't spying on my brother, then why were you there? And don't spin that idiotic tale about it being haunted, only a _child_ would believe that!"

I guess it didn't occur to Hiashi that Tsume, more or less, _was_ a child. Not that it mattered, since Tsume (of course) took offense. The sap that had been holding her got a fist to the face and an elbow to the crouch for his troubles as Tsume lounged at Hiashi.

I often wonder what would have happened if Tsume had been a little faster. I highly doubt she would have landed a hit on Hiashi, but it would have been interesting to see if the high-and-mighty Hyuga genius would have retaliated or not.

Not that it matters, since I never found out; a boy by the name of Minato Namikaze (you might recognize the name- if you don't, don't worry about it) caught both Tsume's fists before they connected - which of course just pissed her off further.

"Stay out of this!" she shrieked, along with a bunch of other insults and expletives I couldn't keep up with. They were aimed at Minato and the Hyuga twins in equal parts, though a good chuck was for the male species in general. Very unladylike, and it drowned out most of whatever Minato was saying in attempt to soothe her.

At that point I lost track of what thy were doing in favor of listening in on Choza and Shibi's conversation, figuring Inochi would fill me in on the highlights later. I regretted that when I heard a yelp followed by the clap of a hand on skin, and turned to find Minato doubled over with a hand to his stomach and Tsume sitting on the ground touching her cheek in shock, the triumphant form of Kushina standing over them. She glared at Tsume, nodded at Minato's muttered thanks, then turned to Hiashi.

Now, Kushina had a bit- er, okay, a large - reputation for being a hot head (and by that I mean we were all freaking terrified of her), as well as a 'thing' with Minato she thought no one knew about.

It was the former, however, that gave even Hiashi pause when she turned her attention to him. After all, she had already slapped Tsume and she, like Tsume, wouldn't think twice about decking the Hyuga heir, even if _she_ was old enough to know better.

I, for one, was less inclined to stop her.

Luckily, Inochi intervened before Kushina could start on anything, physically or verbally (which would almost be worse).

"Wellllll I think that's about all the fun I can stand for one day. What do you say we all just agree this was a big misunderstanding and go home? Before someone calls the hokage and we all bring shame upon our clans...?" he said cheerfully. (You see, there's a reason he's on interrogation rather than negotiation.)

There were several groans when Tsume shot back up and pointed at Hiashi. "Not until he admits there's a ghost at his training grounds! I _know_ I saw something before his brother scared it off!"

"For the last time, there isn't any ghost!" Hiashi seethed. "That's just a stupid story the elders tell to scare children! There's no such thing!"

"Oh, come on, don't say that," Inochi said as he turned to me with a wicked gleam in his eye. "Shikaku's woods are haunted, aren't they Shikaku?"

Looking back on it now, it was that one question - or should I say, my answer to it - that really sealed my fate that day. I could have shrugged and given an honest 'So they say,' and left it at that. I could have ignored the comment altogether. But instead, with over a dozen pairs of curious eyes on me (and I'd be lying if I said the Hyuga twins' incredulous looks weren't a factor), I went along with Inochi's jest.

Rubbing the back of my head as though nervous, I said "Uh, yeah, part of it...the section around Takaichi's tree."

At this point, you know the tree I'm talking about - the dead one at the southwestern edge of the Nara woods - and I'm sure you're familiar with the tale; the one old Uncle Shikatobi used to tell when he'd had a few too many cups of sake.

The one about our supposed ancestor, Takaichi Nara, who angered a demon or evil spirit (depending on who told the story) one day while hunting. The demon then took the form of a monstrous deer, which chased Takaichi through the woods until he cam upon an enormous oak, which he climbed. Through a clever rouse involving the manipulation of his shadow, Takaichi tricked the demon into ramming the tree and getting its antlers stuck, enabling Takaichi to escape and kill the beast with a method that varied depending on how much alcohol the storyteller had consumed. Unfortunately, whether it be an act of nature or the demon's curse, the tree was struck by lightning as Takaichi tried to remove the antlers from the trunk as a trophy, killing him and the tree instantly. To this day, both his and the demon's spirits haunt the area around the huge, old dead tree with the partially hollowed-out hole towards the bottom, which we now call Takaichi's tree.

In all likelihood, Takaichi was just some guy that was stupid enough to be standing under the tree when it was struck by lightning, but the legend makes for a better story - and even you have to admit the area around the tree is eerie.

In any case, it was the legend I told the group before me, though I embellished it a bit with a few 'sightings' of the spirits in recent years.

Hiashi shook his head in disgust when I had finished. "You made that up," he accused with narrowed eyes. "Th-"

"No, he didn't." Choza said quietly, fidgeting uncomfortably. "Both my father and his told me about it, and I've been to that tree. It's quiet, and there aren't _any_ deer or birds around. It's creepy."

I had shown the tree to both Choza and Inochi, though I hadn't realized until then that it had unsettled Choza so much.

"I've heard the story, too. Jiraiya-sensei told me about it." Minato added, nodding.

Apparently drunk Naras had been telling the story awhile, because a few more people owned up to having heard it before.

"I want to see it," Tsume demanded.

Inochi caught my eye again, wordlessly conveying a message of 'Say no, I have an idea', so I made an excuse of having a lot of training and missions lately, and then let Inochi do all the talking.

I don't really remember what was said after that. I pretty much just hovered around until Choza and Inochi were ready to go. It ended up just being me and Inochi - Choza stayed behind to talk with Shibi for a bit - and I do remember that conversation.

"So what was that about?" I asked him once we got a ways from the area. He grinned at me.

"What would you say to playing a little prank?" he asked, smirking.

"What kind of prank?"

"The kind where we scare the crap out of our dear, arrogant sempai."

Well, what can I say? I was bored, and bored teenagers do stupid things.

"Sure, as long as it's not too much work."

xxx

Overall, it was a fairly simple plan.

The following evening, Inochi was to lead Tsume and both Hyugas along to the tree in the Nara woods (as I had 'important mission prep and training' to do), where I would be hiding in the shadows, setting off a few pre-made traps and scaring everyone.

It wouldn't be easy trying to pass one over two sensory-type shinobi of Hiashi and Hizashi's level, but I thought of that as part of the appeal; a special challenge to an otherwise simple puzzle.

Choza would also be tagging along, but Inochi and I had decided to keep him out of the loop - he wasn't what you would call a great actor, and as perceptive as the Hyuga twins were, even a little slip-up could cause the whole thing to crash and burn.

Unexpected additions to the expedition included Shibi Aburame, Minato Namikaze, Kushina, and Kushina's quiet friend Mikoto. I wasn't worried, though; I had planned for just about every scenario I could think of, and we were (quite literally) on my turf, so I was confidant to the point of cocky. True, it was going to be a little harder to pull off without detection - but it would also be more fun when it all worked out.

'Go big or go home' was my mentality, I would say.

It was with that thought in mind I ended up setting up camp in one of the taller, fuller trees near Takaichi's Tree to wait for my victims.

Once I caught sight of them, I climbed down from my perch to get a better, closer position from which I could wreak havoc. I lost sight of them for a bit, but once I caught up with them, I was delighted to find them already looking shaken up.

It's really funny how things work out sometimes.

Inochi told me later that the wind had picked up when they had first snuck into the woods, but died the second they had gotten within two miles of the tree. Coincidentally, it was at the same time Shibi had warily noted that there was absolutely no insects to speak of, and someone else noticed a lack of animals as well. Tsume was complaining of being unable to smell anything due to the moss that was abundant in that part of the woods that time of year, and her ninja hound was whining and looked ready to wet itself. The twins were looking unusually alert, Mikoto was nervously hugging her arms to herself, and Kushina was sticking unusually close to Minato. He alone looked like he was actually having fun - but then again, he might have simply been enjoying being manlier than Kushina for once.

All I can say is, I had the time of my life.

I'll spare you the finer details - partially because I honestly can't remember them all, and partially because they would probably bore you anyway - but I will give you the highlights.

Like when Shibi ran into the trap that dropped a partial deer skeleton on him (a particularly good find of Inochi and myself). This made Tsume's hound run off yelping, which in turn separated the group into those who followed him and Tsume and those who stayed to help Shibi.

There were a few well-timed sightings of a man in period hunting garb (for which I'll take credit), though never when one of the Hyugas was looking or paying attention.

In a hilarious twist of fate, Tsume, Mikoto, and Hizashi all side-stepped one of the more elaborate traps involving spider webs in favor of an old trap-pit I didn't even know was _there_. Proving the area wasn't completely devoid of wildlife, Minato - perhaps in a bid to calm everyone - noted the pit had a few snakes, spiders, and some small animal remains in it.

From Mikoto's shrieks, I gathered she had arachnophobia.

For me though, the highlight of the evening came after that, when - annoyed that all the shenanigans hadn't ruffled him - I used my shadow-stitching to grab onto Minato's ankle. He tripped and stumbled into Hiashi, who in turn staggered and brushed the top of Kushina's shoulders. Kushina, already frightened and probably assuming some other monstrosity had come to get her, then screamed, turned around, and punched him out.

That's right, she punched the great Hiashi Hyuga out _cold_.

I nearly lost it, there. Luckily, nobody could hear my laughing over all of Hizashi and Kushina's yelling, or Inochi and Tsume's own laughter.

After they got the yelling under control, everyone's enthusiasm for the whole ordeal seemed to wear off. Carrying his brother on his back, Hizashi angrily announced that he was leaving. Choza offered to lead him out, and Shibi and Mikoto hastily suggested accompanying them. Tsume alone seemed reluctant to go, despite her familiar's whining protests, though I can't say for sure about Kushina and Minato (Minato, to my chagrin, still seemed unfazed).

So I decided it was time for the grand finale.

I went back to me original post atop the old tree to get 'Takaichi', an old scarecrow provided by Inochi and dressed in older garb. It was going to be a simple matter of me animating him with Shadow Possession and making him 'walk' in front of the path as soon as they all got into the perfect position.

At least, that's how it would have worked out, if the damn branch I was standing on hadn't snapped.

I ended up landing front-first on another heavy branch below, knocking the wind out of me and - er, lets just say that no one was more surprised than I when you were born, okay?

But if I was startled and surprised, than so was the poor buck that had decided to wander under my tree at that exact moment. Not only did it have to dodge the tree branch, it also had to dodge the Takaichi dummy - which landed right on the thing's back, one of its arms stuck in the animal's antlers. Understandably, this rather upset the poor buck, who immediately bolted straight ahead - which happened to be right towards the would-be ghost hunters, who had run back to investigate all the racket I'd made.

Like I said, it's really funny how things work out.

My position at the time - half dangling from my middle over a rickety old branch, praying I'd go numb from the waist down - meant I got a perfect look at everyone's faces.

It's hard to describe.

You try picturing someone's face as a wide-eyed, panicked beast with pointy horns barrels down on them, a rider slumped forward on its back and looking as though the hounds of hell are chasing it.

It was the last straw.

They all turned tail and ran, Hizashi dragging the unconscious form of his brother behind him. The only exception was Inochi, who dove into the foliage on his right to avoid being trampled,

It was hilarious. If I'd had air in my lungs and hadn't been in excruciating pain, I probably would have been laughing.

Now I know what you're thinking - that this is all well and good, but what does it have to do with the scars on my face? Everything, really, because it all led up to what happened next.

It was about five minutes after everyone had run off when Inochi finally disentangled himself from the foliage (which turned out to be a thorn-bush) and stomped over to my tree, covered in angry scratches and demanding to know why the hell I was sicking demonic deer after people. By then, I had finally caught my breath and was able to push myself to a sitting position.

There was an ominous crack.

And, for the second time that day, the whole tree branch fell - with me still on it.

That was the last thing I remembered before I (thankfully) blacked out.

I don't know what happened to Inochi; I'm guessing he moved, because when I regained consciousness, he was standing over me looking worried instead of lying crushed under a what turned out to be nearly half the tree.

I tried to say "What happened?", but I think it came out "Waa ma?"

Inochi got the message, though, and winced. "You fell," he told me. (If I'd had my wits about me, I might have said something smartass about the obvious.) "I don't think you broke any bones, but your face is cut up pretty bad."

I blinked what I just then realized was blood out of my right eye, bleeding from the cut on my forehead.

"The wood splintered and sliced into you," Inochi continued, gesturing to me. I glanced down to see cuts, scrapes, and splintered wood along my arms and leg, too. "You're lucky you didn't impale yourself or lose an eye, you moron. What kind of ninja falls out of a _tree_? Your dad is going to have a field day..."

He didn't shut up the whole way home, even when he started scratching and swearing to himself (The thornbush he fell in? A _poisonous_ thornbush...the rash didn't clear up for two weeks).

We told our parents it had been a training accident and never told anyone what really happened, save for Choza. We had to bribe him with three all-you-can-eat dinners before he'd speak to us again, but he did keep mum. I think it was partially out of pity after he saw the state of us, though he did mutter once that it served us right.

Ninja rarely ask each other about old scars, and no one asked about mine. Nobody that went into the Nara woods that night ever spoke about it again, either; I think they all hoped that if nobody talked about it, they could pretend it never happened.

So, there you have it. The story of how your old man made a complete fool of himself. Not quite as glorious as the original story, eh?

There _is_ a lesson in all of this, I suppose. I'm not quite sure what the lesson is, but it's there - be it:

'Showing off isn't what it's all cracked up to be'

'Never play tricks on your friends'

'Always be sure to check for wood rot'

or 'Karma is a heartless, vengeful bitch'

Or maybe the biggest lesson of all is that fact really is stranger than fiction.

The biggest lesson I got from it all is that maybe Takaichi wasn't as big an idiot as I'd always thought he was.

After all, it doesn't matter how clever or confidant you are - anyone can have a bad day.

\- Your Father

P.S. Again, DO NOT show this to your mother. She still believes that gallant battle story - and I'd like to keep it that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely sure what lesson Shikaku was trying to impart on his son, but I don't think he was, either. X)
> 
> And for anyone who wondered why all of those characters were in the character tags before now, now you know. ^.^


	6. Being a Shinobi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's probably apparent, but just in case I wasn't too clear, Shikaku wrote this passage right after the failed Sasuke retrieval mission just before the time skip in the manga.

 

~Shikaku on Being A Shinobi~

Dear Shikamaru,

Being a shinobi isn't a job for the faint of heart.

I didn't think I'd ever have to tell you that, but after that fiasco with Sasuke Uchiha, I now think I do.

Shinobi are tools for their village to use at their disposal. That's the official line most ninja live with.

I've never said a word to you on the subject itself one way or the other, but now I will.

Tools are blunt instruments with no thoughts or feelings of their own, that are only as good as the hands that wield them, and remain completely impartial to anything but the tasks they are set to perform.

Tools don't have to make split-second decisions or think at all to perform their task, because the hand that wields them does it for them.

A new tool is almost always more effective than a older, used tool because of the blunting and wear an old tool carries.

A shinobi is a tool for his or her village to use at their disposal.

No. No, we're not.

We're human.

We have thoughts and feelings and judgments. We're imperfect, with petty grudges and mistakes and faults.

Some of us are more skilled than others, or have completely different sets of skills that may or may not seem important to the tasks we're assigned.

No, we are not tools.

We're people.

We're not tools because we hold grudges and sentiment towards one another, and swear revenge on enemies and fallen comrades and lost battles.

We're not tools because we're expected to think out in the field and come up with strategies and perform tasks without someone else telling us every little detail of what to do.

We're not tools because we make mistakes and we screw up and maybe it's someone else's fault and maybe it's no one's fault but our own.

We're not tools because if we were tools, sitting around doing nothing unless made to and not thinking for ourselves, we wouldn't be of use to our village to begin with.

'Shinobi are tools' - no, I've never agreed with it, but that's because it never made much sense to me.

There was only one time I ever voiced this aloud, though.

As you've more than likely found out by now, there are times in your life when you'll question what it is to be a ninja. I think every ninja probably does at one point or another, though it might be easier pulling their teeth out than getting them to admit it.

Maybe it comes after the death of someone, comrade or enemy. Maybe it comes after a particularly difficult mission. Perhaps it comes after meeting someone, or seeing how someone you used to know has changed.

For me, it came after I found out I was going to be a father.

I had just come back from a mission when Yoshino broke the news.

To clarify, I have absolutely no recollection of the conversation. Yoshino changes my reaction every time she tells the story, and by her word I've done everything from proclaim my undying love for her to sob hysterically.

I'm fairly certain I didn't cry, and I think her story about me fainting is a lie, too.

What I _do_ remember is walking out of the house in a complete daze, wandering around the village for about half an hour, and stopping once to throw up in an alley. (Don't roll your eyes, Inochi hyperventilated when he found out about Ino.)

It took another fifteen minutes or so for me to figure out that I wanted to talk to Choza - who would know what I was going through at the moment, having just gone through with it himself a few months ago. There was only one problem with that, though - he was currently at the hospital, having been injured on the same mission I had been on. In fact, I'd just been to see him before I'd gone home, having been assured that he just needed some time to heal and some sleep.

He'd been pretty alert when I'd left, so I decided to go see him again anyway, hoping that maybe my news would cheer him up a little. When I got there, though, he was fast asleep, snoring away while his wife casually read a book at his bedside.

Now, I know it wasn't anyone's fault he was injured; the enemy had been a lot faster than we had anticipated, and with the way they'd been fighting before, we had no way to know that. But at the time, standing there and seeing him lying there with his pregnant wife keeping watch over him, I felt like worst ninja in the world.

This had been _my_ fault, I'd been team leader. Choza was going to be a father. What if he'd died? What would happen to his child? He or she would grow up without a father, and then what? That child would probably grow up to be a ninja, but who would look out for him? _I_ was going to be father. What if _I_ died, what then? What would Yoshino do? What would my kid do?

I nearly had a panic attack right there in the hospital. I must have looked it, too, because somebody grabbed my arm and carefully guided me to one of the chairs lining the wall. It wasn't until she spoke that I realized who was talking, or that I was even sitting down.

Lady Biwako was the late Lord Third's wife. She was a medical ninja, and had a very...dominating presence. I'm sorry to say she passed not long after you born.

She had her eyebrows raised as she scrutinized me and asked "Better?"

I said the first thing that came to mind, which was "I'm having a baby." (It now occurs to me how that could have been interpreted, but as I obviously wasn't pregnant myself, she figured out what I was trying to convey.)

She frowned, then looked up at the door I'd been standing in front of. "I see," she said softly, a look of understanding crossing her features.

We were both silent for several minutes as she calmly watched me with her arms behind her back, waiting for me to reply.

I'm not sure why I said it, though now I suppose it was her manner, and the knowledge that she was a parent with children, now grown shinobi themselves.

It was the first time I'd ever verbalized my doubts on the topic aloud.

"Are we really just tools?" I finally asked quietly.

I don't know what I expected her to say. Perhaps some words of admonishment, or maybe nothing at all.

What I did not expect is what she said, and for as long as I live I'll never forget it.

"I've never really agreed with that particular line of logic." she snorted. "I've always preferred the one my husband uses. He likens the shinobi of Konoha to family - a large family helping one another. Looking out for one another, and willing to do whatever it takes to keep each other safe. Passing the Will of Fire onto the younger generation."

She shrugged then. "Tools? Tools indeed - no, the shinobi of this village aren't tools. They're the lifeblood. The lifeblood of Konoha. ALL of them, young and old - and perhaps not quite born yet."

She smiled at me when she said the last part, then gave me a matronly pat on the shoulder and walked off, leaving me to my thoughts.

I would like to note that it eased my mind greatly when I found out, over a dozen years later, this woman's son was going to be the one to mentor mine when he became a genin.

I guess now you know where Asuma gets it.

But back to the point of all this: You're a ninja of the Hidden Leaf Village.

I'm not going to go and call you a tool for it to use, because you're not.

You are, however, one of the many shinobi that makes up and breathes life into this village, so I'll expect you to act like one.

So you didn't complete the mission. I'm sorry, you but need to suck it up.

It may sound harsh, but I doubt it will be the first time you screw up. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Remember what I said about doubting yourself?

Remember: there are those that will someday look to you for guidance. A failed mission doesn't mean you aren't cut out to be shinobi.

Because ninja like you are the lifeblood of Konoha, protecting everyone within.

And that's really what being a shinobi is about.

Your Father


	7. Children

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm afraid this is it, ladies and gentleman, the final chapter. Well, I say final, but there is an epilogue. This is just the final entry from Shikaku. 
> 
> This was one of the chapters I wanted to do from the beginning, and in my head it has been always the last. ^_^

~Shikaku On Children~

 

Dear Shikamaru,

Some say that children are one of life's greatest blessings.

Others call them little parasites, saying that they're noisy, or take up too much time and resources.

Still others simply shrug and say they don't have an opinion one way or the other, not having children themselves and never having put much thought into it.

When I was your age, I tended towards the latter, as did most of my friends. Though you never said so, I have the feeling you did as well...before Asuma's passing, at least.

The funny thing about having kids is, you don't always know what to expect or just how well you'll take it until it actually happens to you - and when it does, it hits you like a ton of bricks.

Because there are several things you've never truly felt in full capacity until you've had children - fear, love, pride, and embarrassment being the forefront of those things.

Fear, because you've never truly been afraid until you've had to worry for the safety of your child, or looked at a thermometer you've pulled out of your terribly feverish son's mouth.

Love, because you've never truly been loved until you look into the adoring eyes of your toddler or had your infant grasp your finger for the first time.

Pride, because you've never truly been proud until you've seen your child do something wonderful, be it take his first steps, draw you a picture, or graduate to chunin.

Embarrassment, because you've never truly been embarrassed until your four-year-old walks outside buck-naked and covered in paint while you're talking to one of your bosses at the door. (Seriously, what the hell possessed you to do that?!)

And all of that isn't even counting the day-to-day things and feelings that change once you have children.

For instance, I maintain that Yoshino was a hell of a lot more mellow before she had a fussy baby demanding her attention for everything, and then a surly teenager to ignore her and take her for granted. For that matter, _I_ was a lot more mellow (hard to imagine, eh?) and less strict before you came along - but then again, I had no reason to be before, did I?

That being said, some people get _more_ mellow after having children, simply because remaining so tightly wound with the daily frustrations of being a parent would otherwise mean downing whole bottles of antianxiety medication (FYI, Inochi falls under this category).

The sheer sense of sudden responsibility can feel crushing (as I already demonstrated from my own reaction to hearing I was going to be a father), though the sudden lack of responsibility when your child grows up can feel almost worse (though I may be saying that now because that particular wound is so fresh to me).

Even the most impulsive of people can find themselves suddenly becoming less so once they become parents; After all, it's hard to be brash and impulsive when you know you have a near-helpless human being depending on you for stability.

Personally, the biggest change I found in myself and others was a sudden abundance of patience. If you'd handed me a screaming, sobbing toddler or forced me to try to teach an 8-year-old how to make a particular hand sign when I was, say, seventeen, I never would have been able to handle it. Five years with you, and I could spend hours patiently sounding out kana in your picture books with you.

My point is, everything, and I do mean everything, changes when you have children.

Sure, some of the changes may sound negative, but in my opinion, the good far outweighs the bad.

Becoming a father was the greatest achievement of my life, and I wouldn't change having you for anything.

Sure, there were some days I wanted to kill you (the Great Scissor Incident when you were six comes to mind), or when it was particularly difficult and downright unpleasant. I will never get over potty-training or teething (yet compared to what Choza went through on that front I feel like I was spared). And don't even get me started on all of the teenaged hormonal think-you-know-everything crap - even teenaged geniuses like you are idiots.

But for every one of those days, there were the ones when you'd crawl into my lap and fall asleep sucking your thumb when you were a baby, or the time you took your first steps and said "Papa" for the first time. The days you'd walk up to me and blindly hold your arms out to be held, or would positively fly across the room as soon as I came home from a mission that took me away for more than a day. The pride I felt when you mastered the Shadow Possession technique the first time. The days when we'd sit and play shogi for hours, talking about everything and nothing, and sometimes not talking at all.

I remember when you were little, and you just used to blindly follow behind me with unwavering trust. My little shadow, that's what your mother used to call you. Me and my shadow; waddling when you could barely walk, trotting when your legs were too short to keep up with mine, yet following all the same.

I miss those days the most of all. Because as hard as all of it is, the hardest part of all has been letting go.

I know, I know, I'm getting sentimental. The whole point of this book was to give you some advice to grow up on.

But watching your child grow up is one of the most bittersweet feelings there is.

Because one day, you're walking along with your 3-year-old, then turn around to find him face-down in a mud puddle, covered in deer crap and crying (I'm sorry, that memory is probably more amusing to me than you). Then at some point, you turn around and find him grown up enough to step over the puddle and smart enough not to step in the deer crap, and sure, you're proud, you've done your job and taught him to stand up on his own, but...you can't help but feel a little sad, too.

Because the days of sticking you on my shoulders and having you shadow me are over.

You can handle yourself, and no longer need me around.

You've grown up. It's what children do.

That doesn't make it any easier for your old man to accept, though.

I think I've mostly muddled this - I started out trying to give you advice on kids, and I've gone and turned it into the pity party of an anxious father. Sorry.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is...I'm proud of you. I think I might have said it before, but I feel like I need to say it again.

I remember being told once that the best way to gauge a person is to look at their children, because how a kid turns out is a direct reflection on how a person raised them.

True, that's not always the case - I've met some real jerks that were raised by saints, and great people who were raised by monsters or nobody at all - but I'd like to think that with you at least, that's right.

Because you turned out all right, and if that's the only thing I'm ever remembered for later on, than I couldn't be happier.

If I'm considered half the man you've turned out to be so far, I really couldn't ask for more.

Because in the end (at least for me), having children really does bring out the best in you.

Love,

Your Father

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shikaku's little bit about embarrassment comes from my own mother, who once assured me that she spoke from experience when she said no matter what I did, it would fail in comparison to anything my future children could do to embarrass me (it should be noted I am not her only child, so her 'from experience' thing doesn't necessarily mean me. Probably).


	8. Epilogue

 

~Epilogue~

Shikamaru carefully closed the book, fighting a sudden lump in his throat and telling himself the moisture in his eyes was from the dust that had drifted up from the pages. He closed his eyes slowly, letting the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding out in one long sigh in an attempt to steady himself.

He could hardly believe it. If he hadn't recognized his handwriting and it hadn't sounded so much like him, he wouldn't have believed it was his father.

There was no denying it though. From were he had found it - right were Shikaku told him it would be - to the pictures (mostly of Shikamaru) and little notes between the passages.

This had been written by his father, and it had been written for Shikamaru.

More to steal a few more minutes to compose himself than anything else, Shikamaru opened the journal to the last entry again. His stomach clenched almost painfully as he noticed the date at the top of the page, and realized it was dated exactly one week to the day Konoha had mobilized for the war.

It was like his father had known.

He took a few more gulps of air and read the entry again, running his fingers over the writing. No, Shikaku hadn't known; in most wars, there were always people that didn't come back, and he simply hadn't taken for granted that one of those people might have been him.

Shikamaru felt his grip on the journal tighten as he remembered the conversation he'd had with his father over Inochi's mind technique, when Shikaku had realized what exactly was going to happen. Shikamaru was a little embarrassed to admit that he'd originally thought his father had been talking about unsavory magazines of some sort (he still hadn't dismissed the idea entirely; he hadn't been through the rest of the closet yet), but what Shikaku had wanted was for Shikamaru to find this journal, to say the things he didn't think he'd ever get to say aloud to him again.

Leave it to Shikaku to be prepared for anything.

Shikamaru smiled slowly, turning back to the first page when he was startled into dropping the whole book by a sharp voice behind him saying "Oi, I could have sworn you weren't supposed to read that until you were twenty."

Shikamaru turned to glare at his father, who was standing in the doorway wearing a look that was a mixture of amusement and annoyance.

"And I could have sworn you weren't back yet. Besides, you overrode that rule when you told me where to find it." Shikamaru pointed out, bending down to scoop the journal and a few pictures that had fallen out of it back up.

Shikaku scoffed. "That's because I thought I was dying. I'm not dead yet, so I take it back. Now hand it over, you've still got four more years before you can look at it."

Shikamaru held the book against his chest, indignant. "But I've already read everything in it!"

"Then forget what you read and pretend to be surprised four years from now," Shikaku said tersely, holding his hand out. He was trying to hide some of his embarrassment but was failing miserably by the way Shikamaru was narrowing his eyes at him. He flushed a little, rubbing the back of his head nervously. "Look, I'm not...done with it yet. You can have it back, just...not yet. And it'll still be in the same place if you want to read it again."

Shikamaru frowned a minute, considering, then nodded and held it out to him. "Did you really get your scars falling out of a tree?" he asked with barely-contained humor as Shikaku put the book back into the box and gathered up some of the loose photos.

Shikaku groaned. "That would be the one you latch onto. And yes, nothing I wrote was a lie."

Shikamaru wrinkled his nose, feeling faintly nauseous. "So Uncle Inochi used to date Mom?" he half-whispered, voice laced with something akin to horror.

Shikaku grinned. "Yep." Shikamaru blanched.

"I am _not_ telling Ino." Shikaku grinned wider.

"I can tell you the whole story over a game of shogi, if you like." he suggested.

Shikamaru groaned in response. "No. I mean, yes to the shogi, but no to Mom. I don't ever want to hear about her dating history if it includes anyone I know."

Shikaku smirked as he got the shogi board out. A few minutes later, after they had settled down a started the game, he then threw a quick glance around and lowered his voice. "Er, you didn't find anything else in that closet, did you...?"

Shikamaru froze in the act of moving one of his pieces. "Oh God, I knew it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have it: the end. :) A complete departure from the rest of the story, I know. I have to apologize for the not-twist of Shikaku being alive, but I'm still living in denial-land and refuse to acknowledge his or Inochi's deaths. In my mind, they miraculously lived somehow. If this is eventually proven wrong in canon (which the rational part of my brain keeps trying to convince me) then we can all pretend the epilogue didn't happen. In fact, if you prefer the story up till now, you can do that anyway. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading! ^_^ I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it.


End file.
